REMAKING…VINCE NEIL

Posted: 1/8/05

Reviewed by: Steve Gottlieb

Category: VH-1 Special

Aired: 1/2005

Hard rock gets into the reality TV craze, and incredibly Vince Neil makes his second foray into reality TV (he was already on a season of The Surreal Life). This was a mildly interesting show that followed Vince around as he prepared to start performing again after a hiatus of several years. We were first treated to the “before” scenes of a has-been Vince as a fat bastard performing at some Midwest club to a small crowd. My, how the mighty have fallen. One minute you’re in an XXX-video with Janine, the next you’re all washed up. Oh dear, can Vince regain his former glory? Reunite with the band that put him on top? Write a good song? No, just get some plastic surgery!

Vince in his heyday

Vince as a fat bastard

This show was basically Vince’s version of The Swan or Extreme Makeover, with a little bit of American Chopper thrown in for good measure. Vince is determined to get back to the top. We see him start preparing with weight training and dieting. We then see some biker guy hand-crafting a brand new motorcycle for Vince’s upcoming show. This was followed by some extremely graphic plastic surgery and liposuction procedures. We then see his recovery, his weight training, his shopping expedition for new clothes, and his appointments with not one but two hairstylists (it turns out you need one stylist to cut your hair, and another stylist, at a totally different salon, to color your hair). Throughout, we see commentary by some of Vince’s friends, managers, trainers, and his girlfriend Lia (who herself looks like she’s had an extreme makeover, and a bad one at that). We then see Vince at a studio recording session to learn and record a new song written by the legendary Desmond Child. Finally, we see the end result: Vince riding his new chopper onstage at the Palms in Vegas and performing a set with the band, including the new song.

Before

After

Honestly, the makeover didn’t seem to be that extreme. While I wouldn’t call him a fat bastard anymore, he’s certainly not the svelte Vince you knew from Shout at the Devil or Theater of Pain. Now, he looks like a cross between himself and Richie Sambora. And the fact that he dyed his hair brown instead of blonde doesn’t bother me that much. No, the parts of the show I didn’t like were the performance-related aspects. Specifically:

1) Vince Neil was never really a successful solo artist. His fame was all due to Motley Crue. However, the focus of the show was not to remake Vince Neil for his reunion with Crue; it was to remake him for his solo career. A footnote at the end of the episode was obviously added post-production to announce the Crue reunion. Why he thought this makeover would kickstart his solo career is beyond me.
2) The studio session seemed to imply that Vince teamed up with Desmond Child to write the new song. The truth, however, is that Desmond wrote the song and handed it over to Vince. Those of you savvy enough to read Motley Crue’s liner notes are well aware that Nikki Sixx was the driving force behind Crue’s writing. Why would Vince seek the help of the guy who wrote “I was Made for Lovin’ You” for Kiss instead of the guy who wrote “Shout at the Devil?” Did he think he’d get a rocker out of Child? Desmond Child is good, no doubt, but he’s not the most rockin’ writer there is, that’s for sure. It was interesting to finally get to see this mysterious guy, though.
3) The whole motorcycle thing was a bit ridiculous, since the show’s producers were clearly trying to appeal to fans of American Chopper, yet that aspect of the show was downplayed. The most annoying comment of the show had to be when Vince rode the bike onstage and his assistant said “when Vince rode out with the motorcycle, it was just incredible.” I’m sure it was, but hasn’t Rob Halford already claimed onstage motorcycle riding as his own? Couldn’t Vince think of something else? And I just love these supposed hard rock fans that think that Vince came up with this idea all on his own. Sorry, I know this is a really minor point, but I hate when stupid TV shows show stupid fans that know nothing about the genre of music that the claim to support.
4) I would have liked to see more on the before side, and about all the drug and drinking excesses that caused Vince to balloon up. And a psychological aspect would have been nice. Like why the only solo song (“You’re Invited (But Your Friend Can’t Come”)) we ever heard from him came and went as fast as the Pauly Shore movie that it was on the soundtrack for? Or how he came to share a house with Webster on the Surreal Life? How about asking if his girlfriend Lia had seen the Janine video? And how about asking him about the drunk driving accident that killed Razzle all those years ago? These are the things I want to know!

The Bloody Truth: This TV show was certainly entertaining from a pop culture standpoint, but had little to do with hard rock or metal. Until Vince shows us that he is interested in making some heavy music, I can’t really take him too seriously, makeover or not.

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